Happiness

Oh my. Today was a very eventful day! I did so much today and rekindled some old friendships. This person really comforted me today and told me that it is going to get better and that she is happy I am out of the relationship. My EX was REALLY horrible to me. As much as I admit that, I still miss her and still want her to succeed, but I know she doesn’t want the same for me. I do have dreams about her from time to time and it is a reflection of how she used to treat and show her love towards me. Now she is a complete stranger, and quite frankly, I don’t know who the hell she is anymore. I am honestly glad she broke things off and I hope she does some introspection about her actions towards me. I have done a lot of introspection and I feel like it is beautiful to reflect on what happened throughout the time we were together. I felt like my love was one-sided. Yes, there were things she did for me and when she went above and beyond for me, but her love faded. She couldn’t handle the real love after the honeymoon phase. I don’t want someone like that. I just remembered how I would always come out if she were feeling down and asked me to help her. I wouldn’t give her a hard time. If I asked though, she would give me a really hard time. I SPECIFICALLY remember how I asked her one time to come out for five minutes and she would be like “I’m so tired though” SO?? Do you not care about me or something? Like I am starting to see her true colors and how disgusting she was towards me. I was so delusional and kept believing in her (I still believe in her). I ultimately think it is a time thing and she will realize in the future that I was actually a good boyfriend. My actions and the way I approached things may have not been the best, but I genuinely wanted to grow with her cause I REALLY loved her. But seeing her actions now made me want to forget about her. The new her of course. The old her will always reside in my heart and I am really thankful I got to meet such a wonderful person. She’s so different now.. like a totally new person. People really do change and it hurts to accept that fact.

Mentally done & interesting day

I ended up seeing her today with a friend. Totally unexpected right?? Well, I was having a great day and I wanted to go get some bread anyways. I haven’t felt this alive in so long and I feel so much better after talking to some people. Especially this one person which we called for hours and basically made sure that I should NEVER go back to her again. I ended up laughing a lot with my friend at the place she was at, which I guess creeped her out since she kept into account that my presence was there. It’s okay though. I felt okay seeing her again and I am ready to move forward. We did interlock eyes when I first came in and then she did a complete 180 and started to talk to her friend about me. I am guessing she said something like “omg that’s my ex” & “what is he doing here!!!” Some guy was ringing me up and she ran all the way in the back LOL. Honestly if she realizes how badly she treated me in the future I will be okay with that. She still was my genuine first love and I will probably never try this hard for someone again. I’ve done the crying already and I have done the hurting as well. AND from the looks of it, she is over me completely after seeing her today. Knowing her, she’s on to the next guy and probably wants to completely forget about me. That’s okay. I won’t forget about you and I am happy that I got the chance to meet and be with you. You changed me in so many good ways and I am grateful we were able to create such a lovely bond. I will forever miss the you that I used to know. Hopefully you realize and I get an apology in the future! After all, you ended things with me and I wanted to keep on fighting for you.

But hey, I respect your decision and I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for being with me ❤️

Wake up [ Love is in small things: S1 EP012 ]