Overcoming negative feelings
Filled with sadness
Hey, I feel pretty awful right now it is currently like 9:50 PM and I had to take extra medication for my anxiety cause of how badly I miss her and think about calling her, but I know if I called her she would not care about me even if I begged her in any way, shape, or form. It really hurts but I am not worried. I know my worth and I know that I was a REALLY good boyfriend that treated her right. Of course my actions were questionable from time to time, but my good intentions made up for it. It was always in my best interest to make her happy and I tried my best. Accepting that without hearing it is the hardest part for me as I have low self esteem. I never was like this before, but you know, the times have changed drastically. No one is ever perfect and I know I could’ve improved in many ways and tried to work on it while acknowledging it. She didn’t and just contained her emotions as if she were a complete stranger to me. Even if she wanted me to stop asking so many overbearing questions, telling me to shut up while all I wanted was a hug really broke my heart.
Fighting with no regret
In the end, I fought for this relationship with love. She changed me in very good ways and I would not be here today if it wasn’t for her. I didn’t like the fact that she took me and my kindness for granted, but I will take it as a learning experience for someone to genuinely appreciate me in the future. I don’t regret meeting her like she regrets meeting me (at least that is what I inferred based on what she told me the time we broke up). I am so thankful for meeting someone as wonderful as her minus all the bad things we went through together. I feel like I have matured a lot through this relationship for the better and have learned to be more patient with individuals while not overstepping any boundaries. I have been through so much in my childhood. Growing up being abused was not an easy feat. I feel like I dwelled too much on the negatives, so I am happy that I can start looking towards the positive side.
Slowly but surely
I am really sad about all of this of course, but I am happy to have someone as special as her. I hope nothing but the best for her and she better realize that I was a really good boyfriend in the future!! If not, that’s okay because it will be her loss. I have been getting back into the groove of things like reconnecting with friends, working out, studying more, and other various activites without her. I do wish that she was a part of my journey, but this was probably for the best. I know now that she really didn’t love me as much as I did cause she stopped trying. The feelings will dissipate. And who knows, if things are meant to be, things will come back all together and work out again. I am focusing on myself and will hold on to the good memories I made with her. I am going to become a better version of myself and prove to my peers that I can be successful cause anyone can if they put their mind to it! Even if she is out looking for new guys to date or not improving on herself, I am still going to love her regardless of her actions because I love her unconditionally. But I always forget to love myself as well.